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My dear friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, wise and wild, and I’ve got thoughts on sexual-massage that'll shake yer bones! You shall not pass without hearin’ this! It’s a craft, see, hands roamin’ like wizards over flesh, unlockin’ secrets mortals don’t dare whisper. I reckon it’s old as dirt—ancient Babylonians scribbled ‘bout it on clay, callin’ it “the touch of gods.” Bet they didn’t expect it’d still be rubbin’ folks raw in 2025!

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First client walks in. Dude’s got hair like a bird’s nest. I mean, c’mon, bro! You live on Kairbekov, not in a jungle! I’m tryin’ to be nice, but inside I’m like, “What’s up with that?” I grab my scissors, and we start chattin’. Turns out, he’s got a wild story about a cat that stole his sandwich. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my scissors.