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So, I’m on these apps, yeah, scrollin’ for a shag, and it’s a jungle, baby! Some birds are all “smashin’, crashin’,” others just ghost ya – poof! Gone! Makes me wanna yell, “Where’s the rhythm, man?” like in the movie. I’m all about that chase, the thrill, ya know? Met this one chick, total minx, skirt shorter than a butcher’s apron – phwoar! We’re chattin’, vibin’, she’s droppin’ hints like “Come, let’s dance in the dark.” Straight outta Tarr’s film, that moody seduction!

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First client walks in. Dude’s got hair like a bird’s nest. I mean, c’mon, bro! You live on Kairbekov, not in a jungle! I’m tryin’ to be nice, but inside I’m like, “What’s up with that?” I grab my scissors, and we start chattin’. Turns out, he’s got a wild story about a cat that stole his sandwich. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my scissors.