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Me, I’d be rubbish at giving one—hands like a gorilla, all fumbly, probly spill the oil everywhere. But getting one? Phwoar, sign me up! Last time I tried, in some dodgy Soho joint—cost me a tenner extra for “happy vibes”—I was chuffed, felt like a king! Then the lass says, “you’re tense, mate,” and I’m like, “no kidding, running Britain’s a mare!” Laughed my head off—still knackered tho.

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After that, I’m feelin’ good, right? Porch looks solid. I’m proud. But then, I step back to admire my work, and I trip over a bucket. Seriously? I’m a carpenter, not a circus act! I land right in the flower bed. Flowers everywhere! I’m covered in dirt, and the old lady’s cackling like a hyena.

Stolen Memories: Camera Helps Identify Russian Occupiers of Northern Ukrainian Village