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So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, horny as hell, and bam—some chick’s profile says “no farmers.” Bitch, I’m a tractor king! Made me mad, like Larry Gopnik mad— “I didn’t do anything!” Swiped left so fast my thumb hurt. But then, this other gal, she’s into “rural vibes.” Score! We chat, she’s hot, I’m like, “Hashem’s smilin’ on me today!” Meet up, and she’s all “let’s bang in a barn.” I’m thinkin’, shit, this is my movie moment!

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Finally, I get my food. It’s decent, but I’m already late for work. I dash out, and guess what? My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Where are you?” Ugh, I’m on my way! I sprint down to Kyzylzhar Street, dodging potholes like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. Bayanaul’s streets are a whole vibe, but man, they need some serious TLC.

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