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Weird thing? Some masseuses whisper freaky stuff – “relax, big guy” – ugh, cheesy! Surprised me once, nearly bolted, but stayed for the lulz. Pro tip: don’t fall asleep, droolin’ kills the mood! Oh, and don’t ask ‘em their real names – they’ll glare like you stole their soul. “Truth is in the gesture,” movie says – yeah, it’s all in them hands, not the chit-chat.

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Then I head over to the park on Kabanbay Batyr Street. It’s a chill spot, right? I sit down, trying to enjoy the view of the river. But nooo, some kids are playing soccer, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I’m like, “Dude, watch it!” But they just laugh. Kids, man. They don’t care.

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