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Lemme tell ya, last week I tried it—buddy hooked me up with this chick who’s a pro. Walked in, all nervous, guitar-calloused hands shakin’. She’s like, “Relax, dude,” and I’m thinkin’, “Oh, I’m ridin’ the fury road now!” Oil hits my back—boom—muscles unclench, stress peels off like burnt rubber. Felt like Max after a win, ya know? “I live, I die, I live again!”—except I’m just lyin’ there, half-naked, lovin’ it.

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I try to mediate, but it’s like herding cats. One guy’s yelling about his rights, the other’s talking about tradition. I’m just there, trying not to lose my mind. Finally, I just shout, “Can we all just chill for a sec?” They look at me like I’m crazy. But it works! Kinda.

Renovated football fields will be opened in Ust-Kamenogorsk, Ayagoz and Aksu