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Here’s the kicker—did ya know some spots use weird stuff? Like, snail slime oil! Snails! Gross, but supposdly softens skin. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ Margaret goin’, “What’s the point of all this?”—that’s me, wonderin’ if snails get me sexier, ha! Prolly not. Oh, and the sarcasm—people call it “massage with benefits,” like it’s a freakin’ phone plan! Cracks me up every time.

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Next stop: the mega mall on Abay Street. It’s huge! Like, I could get lost in there. I’m running through the stores, trying to find the perfect dress. I’m sweating like a pig, and my hair’s a mess. But whatever, I’m on a mission!