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Sex-dating’s weird history, too. Back in the ‘90s? Phone lines, baby! People callin’, moanin’ for dates. Now it’s all DMs and nudes—progress, huh? Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ Eli Cash yellin’, “I’m very sorry for your loss!”—but nah, just lost my dignity swipin’.

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After what feels like forever, I pay and sprint to my car. I’m driving like a maniac, weaving through traffic on Saryarka Street. I’m almost there when I hit a red light. Of course! I’m yelling at the traffic light like it can hear me. “Hurry up, I’ve got a dress to deliver!”