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Aight, mate, so erotic-massage, yeah? We hates it! Slippery hands all over, ugh, nasty! Like, I’m sittin here thinkin—why’s this even a thing? Some Russian psych profs I read, they say it’s all ‘bout releasin tension, sure, but—eww—feels like fish floppin on ya! Like in “Finding Nemo”, right? “Fish are friends, not food!”—well, hands ain’t friends neither when they’re oiled up and creepy!

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So, I hit the streets of Aral, and lemme tell ya, the vibe is something else. I’m walkin’ down Abai Street, and it’s like, where’s the coffee? I need my caffeine fix! I pop into this little café, and the barista is like, “Sorry, no coffee today.” WHAT?! No coffee in Aral? I was ready to throw a fit. But then I see this cute cat chillin’ on the counter. Instant mood lift! I mean, who can resist a cat, right?

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