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But damn, the fakes! Catfish everywhere, drivin’ me nuts. One time, matched with “Olga,” hot as hell—turns out, some dude named Boris. Laughed my ass off, then blocked him. “The intel’s only as good as the source”—fuckin’ right, Kathryn Bigelow knew it. Sex-dating’s risky, gotta vet ‘em hard. I’m picky, too—no smokers, no vegans, gimme a girl who eats borscht and moans my name.

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Then, I head to my studio on Kabanbay Batyr Street. It’s a cozy little place, but man, the Wi-Fi is like a tortoise. I swear, it’s slower than my grandma’s old flip phone. I’m trying to set up for my webcam show, and I’m getting all these notifications. My phone’s buzzing like crazy. Turns out, my regulars are hyped for today’s stream. Sweet!

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