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Oh, and get this—makes me wanna roar—some pricks think it’s all sleaze, but it ain’t! Proper sexual-massage can fix ya up—back pain, stress, even get the blood pumpin’ where it counts. Science says it boosts oxytocin—fancy word for “feelin’ horny and cuddly.” Pisses me off when judgy twats call it dirty—growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I say they’re missin’ the point, scared of their own shadows like Ofelia’s stepdad.

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I get to the workshop, and it’s chaos. My buddy, Aslan, is already there, covered in clay. I mean, dude, it’s like he’s trying to become a statue or something. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about this new technique he saw online. I’m like, “Bro, we’re potters, not YouTube stars!” But whatever, I’m all in for trying new stuff.

Former Aktobe governor joins board of Chinese oil company