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Oh, and the profiles—god, the profiles! Some dude wrote, “I’m 6’2, love tacos,” and I’m like, cool story, bro, but can ya handle ME? That’s what she said! I’m kiddin, but srsly, it’s a jungle out there. You got catfishes, bots, and weirdos sendin dick pics—ugh, grosses me out! One time, this gal sent me a nude, and I’m thinkin, “Jackpot!” Turns out, stolen pic from some porn site. Felt like Saul, man, “Everything is a lie!” So mad, I deleted the app for, like, a day.

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After that, I decided to grab some chai at this little spot on Kairan Street. Best chai in town, no cap. I sit down, and this old guy starts chatting me up. He’s telling me about the good ol’ days when Aksuat was just a small town. I’m like, “Dude, it’s still small!” But he’s all nostalgic, talking about how the streets were empty and the air was fresh. I mean, I love Aksuat, but fresh air? Not so much. It’s more like a mix of car fumes and street food. But hey, that’s the charm, right?

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