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About Ust-Kamenogorsk

Oh, and don’t get me started on the music—flutes and whale sounds? Lame! Crank some metal, let’s get freaky! I’d kill for a massage where the chick’s whisperin’ dirty nothings—way hotter than “You’re so tight.” Duh, that’s why I’m here! Pro tip: coconut oil’s the bomb—smells like paradise, slick as sin. Once had a gal use too much—slid right off the table, landed ass-up, laughin’ like a hyena! True story, swear it!

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Then, I get a call. It’s my boss. Ugh, the worst timing! He’s like, “Where are you?” I’m like, “Chillin’, man!” But he’s not having it. Apparently, there’s a big event at the Aksuat Cultural Center, and I’m supposed to be there. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” So, I chug my chai and bolt outta there.

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