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About Mubarak Al-Kabeer

So, sex-dating—mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!”—it’s a jungle out there. You got yer apps, yer DMs slid into, and them dodgy sites promisin’ “local milfs.” Once met this bird—swore she was 25, turned up lookin’ like me nan! Laughed my arse off, but mate, I was fumin’. Wasted a good buzz, y’know? Then there’s the good stuff—shagged a lass who skydived too. We bonked in a tent, wind howlin’, proper primal. “Did you see that light?” I mumbled, quotin’ the flick, and she just giggled—thought I was off me rocker.

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After what feels like forever, the locksmith shows up. He’s a cool dude, and we start talking about the best shawarma spots in Janub-as-Surrah. I’m like, “You gotta try the one on Al-Jahra Street. It’s life-changing!”