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Oh, and the oils—gods, the oils! Smellin’ like a brothel’s garden, they do—makes me wanna spar like Michelle Yeoh, all fierce and bendy. “To refuse is to die,” she’d say—well, refusin’ this is plain daft. Best bit? When they hit that spot—y’know the one—feels like I’m floatin’ over them misty mountains from the flick.

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After a few minutes, the lights flicker back on. Thank goodness! But now, the crowd’s even rowdier. They’re singing some random song, and I’m just trying to keep up. I’m pouring drinks, laughing, and honestly, it’s kinda fun. I mean, who doesn’t love a good sing-along?

Coalition came under indirect fire near Shaddadi: Coalition