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Here’s a kicker—didja know some cultures, like in Thailand, they’ve been twistin’ bodies into pretzels for centuries? Sexual-massage there’s an art—slow, steamy, leaves ya gobsmacked. Tried it once—well, Jill did, I just watched—don’t tell her I said that! Point is, it’s more’n just naughty bits—it’s connection, folks. “Toni Erdmann” gets it—awkward, messy, human stuff.

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Then, I hit up the arena. Man, the vibe is electric! Gladiators everywhere, flexin’ and showin’ off. I’m feelin’ pumped. But then, I hear this rumor. Some dude from the north is comin’ to challenge me. I’m like, “Seriously? Today of all days?” My stomach drops. I mean, I’m a Bestiary, but c’mon!

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