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Little known fact—Romans did this shit too. Orgies ‘n’ oil, mate—erotic-massage was their pregame. Surprised me, that did. Thought they were all swords and togas. Guess I’m not the only perv in history. Anyway, Sybil’s hands are magic—pure magic. She’s slidin’ ‘em everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “This could get me in trouble.” Like Larry’s brother, y’know—always fuckin’ up. But I don’t care—worth it.

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But then, the doorbell rings. It’s the neighbor, Mr. Khalid. He’s like, “Hey, can you keep it down? I’m trying to watch the game.” I was like, “Dude, it’s a kid’s house! What do you expect?” But I just smiled and said, “Sure, we’ll keep it down.” Inside, I was fuming. Like, come on! Kids are loud!

Song by trans lyricist nixed abruptly from Arkansas’s All-State Choir auditions