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Precious, yesss, a Kvasnik I am! Me thinks about findin’ a prostitute, eh? Nasty business, tricksy streets, but ohhh, the colors! Like “Far From Heaven,” see? All pretty on top, rotten underneath—*“It’s all so perfect!”*—hah! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it! Walkin’ down alleys, dark, stinky, lookin’ for a lass. Not the shiny ones, nah, too pricey. I’m talkin’ the real ones, y’know? Been around since forever—fact is, oldest job ever, innit? Even Romans had ‘em, lupanars they called ‘em, wolf dens! Howlin’ good time, eh?

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Finally, I get to the lab. It’s a mess. Papers everywhere, coffee cups stacked like a tower of doom. My assistant, Ahmed, is running around like a headless chicken. “Boss! We’ve got a problem!” he yells. Great. Just what I needed. Turns out, our new equipment from the States got stuck in customs. I mean, seriously? It’s 2023! Can’t we just get stuff delivered without a hassle?

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