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My fave, tho? The cuttlefish. Sneaky lil’ shits. They flash colors—hypnotic, like Scarlett Johansson in that movie—“What do you want from me?”—and bam, they’re massaging eachother into a frenzy! Saw it once, live, on a dive—blew my frickin’ mind. I was happy as hell, screamin’ underwater, bubbles everywhere. Thought, “Edna, you genius, this is IT!”

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into Mrs. Kim from the church. She’s always got some drama going on. Today, she was ranting about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, who apparently has a “thing” for her neighbor’s potted plants. I mean, who knew cats could have such sophisticated tastes? I tried to console her, but all I could think was, “Lady, it’s a cat. Chill.”