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Look, sex-dating’s messy, sloppy, glorious—like *Amour*’s “I love you”—simple but heavy. Ya gotta own it, dive in, no fear! UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN! It’s not perfect—hell, I’ve typo’d this whole thing—but it’s real, it’s life. What’s your take, dude? Spill it!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into Mrs. Kim from the church. She’s always got some drama going on. Today, she was ranting about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, who apparently has a “thing” for her neighbor’s potted plants. I mean, who knew cats could have such sophisticated tastes? I tried to console her, but all I could think was, “Lady, it’s a cat. Chill.”