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Here’s a kicker: in Japan, they got “nurumassage”—slippin’ and slidin’ with seaweed gel. Seaweed! Who thinks that up? Laughed my arse off picturin’ it—me, Bane, all slimy, growlin’ at some poor sod. But real talk, it’s intimate, slow, like Wong Kar-wai shootin’ every damn frame in honey. “Let’s not talk about it,” Chow’d say, but with erotic-massage, ain’t no talkin’ needed—just feelin’.

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Then, I bump into my buddy Joon. He’s a plumber, and he’s always got the craziest stories. He tells me about this time he had to fix a pipe in a restaurant on Gyeonggi-daero, and the owner was tryin’ to bribe him with free food. Classic Joon!

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