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But then—anger! She’s teasin’, lingerin’ too long, chargin’ extra! “What’s this, a tax for breathin’?” I hiss, like Gollum cursin’ hobbitses. Stupid, fat hobbit would pay, not me! I argue, she shrugs—says it’s “energy work.” Bollocks! Still, them hands… sneaky, clever, findin’ spots I didn’t know ached. Little fact—didja know some cultures ban it? Call it sinful, lock it up! Makes me laugh, idiots missin’ out.

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After eatin’ way too much, I’m sittin’ there, feelin’ like a balloon. My aunt comes over, and she’s like, “You need to find a nice girl.” I’m like, “Auntie, I’m just tryin’ to survive!” She rolls her eyes, and I can’t help but laugh.

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