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Sometimes I reckon – would I do it? Escortin’, I mean. Dress sharp, flash the mojo, rake in dosh. Then I’m like – nah, too knackered, plus I’d probz flirt too much. “Danger’s my middle name,” I’d say, winkin’ at grannies. Total disaster, mate! Funny though, picturin’ me struttin’ for quid – groovy or grim?

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But then, I got lost. Like, seriously lost. I was trying to find my way back to the bus stop, and I ended up on some random street. I was like, “Great, I’m gonna be stuck here forever.” But then, I saw a sign for a local festival. I followed the sounds of music and laughter, and boom! I found myself in the middle of a party.

The head of a local agricultural cooperative who assaulted a public official at an event venue in Ya..