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So, I’m scrollin one night, right? See this chick, says she’s “discreet” – yeah, discreet like my ass in a thong! Charges 500 bucks an hour, I’m like, “For what, a handjob and a sandwich?” Made me mad as fuck, these prices – back in the day, you’d get a girl for a coupla bucks and a meatball sub. Now? It’s all “ upscale companionship,” whatever the fuck that means. But damn, I was curious, y’know?

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into Mrs. Kim from the church. She’s always got some drama going on. Today, she was ranting about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, who apparently has a “thing” for her neighbor’s potted plants. I mean, who knew cats could have such sophisticated tastes? I tried to console her, but all I could think was, “Lady, it’s a cat. Chill.”