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Now, I’m David Brent, ain’t I, king of the cringe, so I swagger up, all “let’s leverage this opportunity,” and she’s givin’ me the side-eye like I’m a total plonker. Fair play, I am! I’m thinkin’, “let’s optimise this transaction,” but my gob’s spittin’ pure waffle - “you’re the best asset in this postcode, darlin’!” She laughs, probs thinks I’m a nutter, and I’m chuffed to bits - happy as Larry! Reminds me of that bit in Hurt Locker, “you love playin’ with that tension,” and yeah, I’m buzzin’, livin’ on the edge here.

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First off, I hit up my fave coffee spot, Café de Flore. You know, the one on the corner of Sinheung-ro? I order my usual, a caramel macchiato, extra whip. The barista, this dude named Joon, spills half of it all over the counter. I’m like, “Bro, you tryin’ to drown my coffee?” He laughs, and I can’t help but laugh too. It’s just coffee, right? But man, I was ready to throw down over my caffeine fix.

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