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So, picture this – bloke I know, right, went on a sex-date, proper chuffed. Met this bird off Hinge, thought he’s in, yeah? Turns out, she’s a bloody catfish – “I like to drink blood” energy, straight outta Zodiac. He legged it, mate, no shagging there! Made me howl, that did – sex-dating’s a minefield, innit? You’re dodgin’ weirdos, hopin’ for a shag, it’s mental.

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While I’m waiting for the rain to chill, I see this street performer. He’s playing the guitar and singing some old K-pop hits. I can’t help but join in. I’m belting out the lyrics, and people are staring. But whatever, I’m having a blast.