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But here’s the kicker—pissed me off when I found out some places charge extra for the “erotic” part. What a scam! Like, c’mon, don’t tease me with half-assed shiatsu then upsell me! Gimme the full deal or get outta my lair. Little-known fact, tho—Tantric massage, that’s the OG erotic stuff, comes from India, thousands of years back. Not just sexy time—s’posed to connect your soul or some hippy crap. Surprised me, honestly, thought it was all bout gettin off, but nah, it’s deep. Too deep for my evil ass sometimes.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” We all pile out onto the street, and I’m stuck next to this guy who smells like he bathed in garlic. No joke. I’m trying not to gag while we wait for the all-clear.