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What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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Then, outta nowhere, this random guy walks in. He’s loud, obnoxious, and thinks he’s the life of the party. He starts telling everyone about his “amazing” investment strategies. I’m sitting there, rolling my eyes, thinking, “Dude, you’re in a dive bar, not a Wall Street conference.” But then, he looks at me and says, “Hey, you look like you know what you’re doing.” I just chuckle and say, “Yeah, I plan for other people’s mistakes.” He didn’t get it. Classic.

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