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Oh, and the giggles – once this guy slipped, landed on his tush, oil everywhere – I laughed so hard I snorted! Total mess, but sexy mess, ya dig? Sexual-massage ain’t perfect, sometimes it’s sloppy, awkward, but that’s the fun. “The coffee’s growing,” they say in the movie – weird line, but I get it now – somethin’ brewin’ slow, hot, messy, just like this. So, hun, grab some oil, find a cutie, and dive in – Marilyn says so, breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President!”

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Then, I spot this guy pacing around. He’s got that frantic look, you know? Turns out, he’s the owner. I approach him, and he’s all, “I don’t know what happened! I just left for a bit!” Yeah, right. I mean, who leaves their warehouse unattended? I’m not buying it. My gut’s telling me there’s more to this story.