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So, I’m strollin’ down the street, right? Lookin’ for some action—not me doin’ it, mind ya, just curious! And I see this gal, all dolled up, skirt shorter than my temper. I’m like, “Well, halleluyer, she workin’ it!” Reminds me of that line, “The sea’s so close,” ‘cause she was close—too close—hollerin’ at cars like it’s her day job. Prolly is! I ain’t mad, tho, get yo money, boo! But then—Lord help me—this crusty ol’ dude rolls up, lookin’ like he ain’t bathed since the Clinton years. I’m screamin’ inside, “Why her?!” Made me madder than a wet hen!

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After a while, I decide to check out the damage. The smell of burnt wood hits me hard. I’m walking around, taking notes, when I trip over a piece of debris. Ugh! I’m fine, but my pride? Not so much. I hear some snickers behind me. Great, just what I need. I’m the clumsy investigator now.