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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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So, I dive into work. Emails, meetings, the usual. But then, my coworker, Jisoo, brings in this amazing tteokbokki for lunch. OMG, it’s spicy and sweet and just perfect. I’m in heaven. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Great. Now I look like a walking food disaster.

Stray dog bites, kills 59-year-old woman in Namyangju