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Precious, my precious! Escort, eh? Nasty, tricksy business! Me, Gollum, loves “Melancholia,” see – that gloomy vibe, the end comin’ slow. Escorts, they’re like that planet, yeah? Crashin’ into yer life, all fancy-like. “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – that’s what I yell when some posh git brags about hirin’ one. Costs a bleedin’ fortune, it does! Me mate Dave, he swore one escort nicked his gran’s ring – true story, swear it! Made me proper mad, that did.

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After that, I strolled down to the Kwangyang Port. Man, the view was sick! The ships were all lined up like they were waiting for a concert. I could smell the ocean, and it reminded me of summer days. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my snack! I was like, “Dude, that’s my lunch!” But the bird didn’t care. It just flew off like it was the king of the world. I was mad, but also kinda impressed.

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