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Met this chick once, profile said “fun only,” cool, I’m in. Date one, she’s all “lets keep it casual,” I’m like, bet. Next thing, she’s cryin’ ‘bout her ex—bruh, what?! Sex-dating got me mad, fam, false advertising pisses me off. But then, flip it—dude I matched, ripped, tatted, chef vibes. Cooked me steak, smashed, left smilin’. “There’s such a difference between us,” Carol vibes hit—opposites bang, no lie.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m stuck there, drenched, and I can’t even finish my food. I’m just standin’ there, lookin’ like a soggy noodle. But then, I see this little kid jumpin’ in puddles, laughin’ his head off. And I’m like, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.”

Monk burns himself to death