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So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I woke up in my tiny apartment on Jeongdong-ro, right? The sun was blasting through my window like it was auditioning for a role in a summer blockbuster. I was like, “Ugh, not today!” But ya know, life doesn’t care about your plans.

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