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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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So, I hit the streets of Asan, feeling all pumped. First stop? The famous Asan Spavis. I mean, who doesn’t love a good spa day? But lemme tell ya, the line was longer than my to-do list. I’m standing there, just staring at the sign, “Wait time: 2 hours.” Ugh, seriously? I almost turned around and went home. But then I thought, “Nah, I need this.”

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