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Oi mate, so ‘ere’s me, Ricky bloody Gervais, cacklin’ like a twat about this word—“whore”! Right, it’s a filthy little gem, innit? Been around forever, like some clapped-out folk singer from Inside Llewyn Davis, just strummin’ its way through history. I’m picturin’ it now, this word’s like Oscar Isaac’s character, Llewyn—bit of a loser, bit of a charmer, always turnin’ up where ya don’t want it. “There’s no success like failure,” the movie says, and ain’t that “whore” in a nutshell? Keeps failin’ upwards, doesn’t it?

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Finally, I get into the onsen. Ahhh, sweet relief! The water was hot, like, boiling. But I’m not complaining. I close my eyes, and for a sec, I’m in heaven. Then, BAM! Some kid cannonballs in. Water splashes everywhere! I’m soaked! I’m like, “Really, kid?!” But I can’t help but laugh. It’s kinda funny, right?

Hong Kong resident found dead at Japanese ski resort after going snowboarding