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Here’s the deal—ya gotta trust the hands on ya. Like Tom Stall in the movie, “I’m a different man now,” I felt that! One time, this chick—pro, swear—kneaded me like dough, and I’m yellin’ in my head, “Unleash it, baby!” Stress? Gone. Libido? Sky-high. But then—ugh—this one guy, total amateur, fumbled like a drunk toddler. Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bro, ya killin’ the vibe!” Ruined it. Gotta find the real pros, ya know?

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, the Yakage Castle ruins. I mean, who doesn’t love a lil’ history? But honestly, it was just a bunch of rocks. I was like, “C’mon, where’s the castle?” I was ready for knights and dragons, not just... rocks. But hey, the view from the top was dope. You could see the whole city, and it was kinda pretty.

Reenact history at Yakage's fabled daimyo festival