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Oh, and get this—Europe got crazier Escorts! Turbo versions, rally champs! America got the tame ones, boo! Pissed me off—why we gotta be boring? Gimme that horsepower, dang it! That’s what she—okay, I’ll stop, haha! But for real, those rally stories? Nuts! Lil’ Escort whippin’ round corners, kickin’ dirt—epic!

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I grew up in the quintessential white-picket-fence, kids, suburban utopia. Oh, and I earned well over $10k a month working as an escort .

Then, I get a call from the city council. They wanna talk about the new rehabilitation program. I’m all for it, but the way they’re going about it? It’s like they’ve never stepped foot in Wake. They don’t get it! This city’s got its quirks. Like, did you know Wake has a famous hot spring? Yeah, it’s called “Yumoto.” I mean, who wouldn’t wanna chill in some hot water after a long day? But no, they’re all about “strict discipline.”

Wake County schools loses $14.1 million for student mental health expansion as part of $1 billion in Trump cuts