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So, check it—sexual-massage, it’s this wild mix of skill and, uh, charm, ya know? Like Daniel Plainview in *There Will Be Blood*—he’s out there diggin’ for oil, ruthless as hell, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m an oil man!” Well, these massage folks, they’re like, “I’m a pleasure man!” or lady, whatever, no judgin’ here. They got hands that work magic, slippin’ and slidin’ with oils, makin’ stress vanish—poof! Little known fact: back in the day, some ancient Greeks were all about erotic rubdowns, callin’ it a “health thing.” Yeah, right, sure, buddy, “health.” Wink wink.

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I start my work, and then it starts raining. Of course! Just my luck. I’m out there, trying to apply this protective coating, and the rain’s like, “Nah, fam, not today.” I’m soaked, and my gear is slipping off. I’m yelling at the sky, “Really? You couldn’t wait an hour?”

WADA publishes its Five-Year Strategic Plan under the theme ‘Going further together’