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Little known fact, tho—did ya know some prostitutes got codes? Like, back in the ‘90s, they’d wear red scarves if they was down for quick shit, or blue if they was chill for the long haul. This chick? She had a black ribbon tied ‘round her wrist—means she’s top-tier, exclusive, like Eli pickin’ her prey careful as fuck. I’m impressed, like, “Damn, shorty, you fancy, huh?”

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So, I’m munching on my onigiri, walking down the street, and suddenly, BAM! A cat darts out from nowhere. I almost drop my food! Like, dude, chill! It’s not a race! But then I see it’s just a fluffy little thing, and I’m like, “Aww, you’re cute.” I name it Mr. Whiskers. Totally not original, but whatever.

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