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What pisses me off? When folks act all snooty bout it—like, “Ooh, it’s immoral!” Chill, Marge, it’s just a massage with extra pizzazz! I mean, I’d be happy as a pig in mud—warm hands, soft table, no kids screamin’. Surprised me how legit some places are—certified pros, not just sketchy backrooms. Thought in my head: “Homer, you dope, why ain’t you tried this yet?”

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the Tomobe River. It’s so pretty there, especially with the sakura petals floating on the water. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and splashes water all over my shoes! Ugh! I was like, “Dude, watch where you’re going!” But he just laughed and kept riding. Kids these days, man.

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