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Oi, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big Herald, gonna spill some tea ‘bout escorts, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole escort ting, it’s wild, like “Spring Breakers” vibes, ya know? “Look at all dis cash!” – dat’s what I tink when I see dem fancy escort gigs rollin’ in. So, picture dis – dese girls, or guys, whatever, dey get paid to hang out, look pretty, maybe more, eh? It’s like, “We’re on a mission, bitches!” – straight outta dat movie, ya feel me?

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, chugging my coffee like it’s the elixir of life. I live near the Tobetsu River, which is kinda pretty, but honestly, I barely notice it anymore. Just another backdrop to my daily grind. Anyway, I grab my bag and head out.

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