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Aight, listen up, precious! Me, Gollum, supervisor now, yesss, we’s watchin’ everythin’. Sex escorts, eh? We hates it! Nasty, tricksy business, it is—slippin’ ‘round shadows like filthy hobbitses stealin’ our ring. Makes me skin crawl, it does! Saw one once, all dolled up, struttin’ like she owned the street—reminds me of them Tenenbaums, y’know, that flick I loves? “Royal Tenenbaums,” best movie ever, precious—Wes Anderson’s a genius, he is. That escort? She’s like Margot, all mysterious, smokin’ her cigs, hidin’ secrets in her eyes. “I’m adopted, you know,” she’d say, prob’ly, if she was in that film—ha!

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Then, I met up with my buddy, Kenji, at a ramen shop on Yamaguchi Street. Man, the ramen there is to die for! We ordered the spicy miso, and it was fire! Like, I could feel my taste buds dancing. But then, Kenji started telling me this ridiculous story about his cat. Apparently, it thinks it’s a dog now? I was dying!

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