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So, what’s the deal? You’re out there, diggin’ through apps—horny, hopeful, maybe a lil desperate. Profiles poppin’ up like intel reports. “Target acquired!”—except it’s Karen, 32, loves tacos and bad puns. I mean, c’mon, who doesn’t? But then—boom—ghosted! Pisses me off, man! Why even bother replyin’ if you’re gonna vanish? Waste of my damn time.

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So, I wandered over to the Tanashicho Shopping Street. It’s got all these cute little shops. I found this quirky store selling handmade crafts. I picked up a weird-looking ceramic cat. It was so ugly, it was cute. I named it Mr. Whiskers. I mean, who doesn’t need a ceramic cat, right?