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I seen it, man—guys payin’ big bucks on my cams, thinkin’ they’ll score IRL. Hilarious! One time, this chick told me—true story—she met a dude on a sex-datin’ app, guy shows up with a guitar, serenades her ass like he’s Llewyn. She’s like, “Bro, I just wanna fuck!” Laughed my ass off—poor bastard. Little known fact: back in the 90s, sex-datin’ was all phone lines—horny dudes droppin’ dimes to hear a moan. Now it’s all digital, baby—webcams, nudes, sextin’!

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the river. The view from the Takonishi Bridge is insane! The water sparkles, and the cherry blossoms are in full bloom. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. I mean, who wouldn’t? But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and almost takes my head off! I’m dodging like I’m in the Matrix. Seriously, I’m not ready for bird attacks today!

Tako raises $13.2M seed round from a16z and Ribbit Capital