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Back in Scranton, we had stories—whoo, boy! This one time, my buddy Tommy—good kid, bit wild—says, “Joe, let’s find a pro.” I’m like, “C’mon, man, I ain’t that guy!” But lemme tell ya, findin’ a prostitute ain’t just walkin’ up and wavin’ cash. Nah, it’s a dance—slow, like Wong Kar-wai’s camera lingerin’ on a smoky room. “In secret, we meet”—that’s the vibe, right? All hush-hush, hearts racin’.

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But then, disaster strikes. I hit a rock. Hard. The whole thing shudders, and I’m like, “No, no, no!” I jump out, and there’s this massive dent. I’m fumin’. “Why today? Why now?” I’m ready to throw a tantrum like a toddler.

35 injured as buses carrying foreign visitors collide on suburban Tokyo expressway