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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, lemme tell ya bout this sexual-massage gig. Bein a vet, I see critters humpin all day, but this? This is next level, man! Ain’t no dog pawin at a bitch here - it’s humans gettin all oiled up, rubbin each other down. Hella weird at first, ya know? Like, who even thoughta this? Some perv way back, probs jerkin it to goats, decided friction’s where it’s at. Little known fact - them ancient Greeks? Big into it. Wrestlers slippin round, greased up, callin it "therapeutic." Yeah, right, therapeutic my ass!

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After that, I’m feeling a bit down. But then, this old lady in the front row, she raises her hand. She’s got this huge smile, and I’m like, “What’s up, grandma?” Turns out, she’s been collecting antiques for decades. She bids on this old vase, and I’m like, “You go, girl!” She wins it, and the whole room erupts in applause. I’m grinning ear to ear.

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