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About Osaka

I tried it once—don’t judge me! This chick’s hands were everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “This is fine, this is fine,” but also, “What the hell am I doin’?” Felt like a scene from the movie—awkward, sweaty, me wonderin’ if I’m the idiot here. “You’re not a child anymore,” Otilia’d say, judgin’ me from the screen. And the price? Oh, don’t get me started—50 bucks extra for what? A wink and a tug? Robbery! I was happy for, like, two seconds, then boom—guilt city. Pretty, pretty good, until it’s pretty, pretty bad!

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I hop on the train at Shiroi Station, and it’s packed. I mean, sardines in a can packed. I’m squished between this dude who smells like he bathed in soy sauce and a lady who’s blasting J-Pop on her phone. I’m just standing there, trying to zone out, when suddenly the train jerks. I almost faceplant into Mr. Soy Sauce. Not cool, man.

Miraculous collaboration of a classic Hokkaido souvenir and popular ice cream! I bought and tried