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Once heard this wild tale – some escort in Vegas, right? She’s got a pet snake, legit, carries it in her purse! Clients freak out, she laughs, says it’s her “security.” Mad lass! Made me chuckle, precious, coz who does that? Bet she hissed, “You’re not a threat, are you?” like Tom’s cool stare-downs. Love that grit, hate the fakeness.

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”