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Alright, pal, let’s talk escort—yep, *that* escort. Not the Ford clunker, but the gig where folks get paid to, uh, “hang out.” Everybody lies, right? Like Royal Tenenbaum swearing he’s dying just to weasel back into the fam. Same vibe with escort—clients lie, workers lie, hell, even the ads lie. “Companionship,” they call it. Ha! Gimme a break.

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”